How to Deal with Difficult People

There are many of us who suffer because of “difficult people” around us. We encounter them on various levels — on a personal level, where someone close to us like a spouse, sibling, parent, friend, son, or daughter is difficult to manage; on a corporate or business level, where we have peers or bosses who are challenging; or even among neighbors or strangers who turn difficult.

What makes them difficult for us?

• Mismatch of attitudes and values

• Mismatch in thinking

• Mismatch in personality

• And more…

Typical traits of difficult people:

• Arrogance and pride

• Selfishness and self-obsession

• Lack of gratitude

• Rebellious and rude

• Insecurity

• Envy and ego

Jesus also had to manage difficult people. Judas Iscariot, one of His 12 disciples, was a thief and very contrary to Jesus’ nature.

Paul had Demas.
Moses had all of Israel.
David had Saul.
Nehemiah had Sanballat and Tobiah.

There are many such examples in Scripture.

If you are unaware of how to deal with difficult people, they can:

• Lead you to depression, and in extreme cases, even suicide

• Cause self-harm

• Fill you with negativity

• Push you into self-pity and self-condemnation

• Make you bitter towards everyone

So then, how do we deal with difficult people? How do we overcome their attacks on us? What should be our response?

Difficult people are not always from the evil one. In some cases, they act as messengers of God, leading us to better ourselves and challenging us toward greatness. History has revealed that many champions rose from nothing to heroes as a direct response to the negativity they faced from difficult people.

Look at these examples:

• Sanballat and Tobiah made Nehemiah more prayerful and alert.

• David learned to depend on God’s saving power and grace, which protected him from Saul’s repeated attacks.

• Moses sought prayer and the presence of God whenever Israel complained against him.

• Jesus demonstrated mercy and goodness even toward Judas Iscariot, His enemy.

• Paul experienced God’s comfort and deliverance despite being abandoned by Demas.

In my own life, I have seen difficult people shape my character more than they have produced bitterness. They made me stronger rather than weaker. They became catalysts for revealing the power of God to me, rather than the power of the enemy or persecution. Amen! Hallelujah!

For example, a widow who once sheltered me and the church suddenly abandoned me and incited others against me. Yet, during this time, I saw God’s grace lift me to new heights, bringing new relationships, new helpers, and fresh grace to overcome.

I have faced people who verbally abused me, attacked the church, demanded I vacate the premises, and even threatened to kill me and my family. Still, during those moments, I stood firm in faith and character. I did not stoop to their level, but the Holy Spirit became my strength, guiding me with wisdom to endure and overcome through prayer and faith. Hallelujah! I could share many more examples.

Lessons I’ve learned while dealing with difficult people:

• Consciously operate in loving-kindness. It’s easy to do this in a loving environment, but true loving-kindness is revealed in a hostile one.

• Forgive and release them, as well as their memory, from your heart and mind.

• Remain quiet, calm, poised, and gentle when under attack; do not answer back.

• Don’t blame yourself. Be confident in your character and faith in Christ. The enemy wants you to make mistakes when dealing with difficult people, so he can bring guilt and shame upon you — don’t fall into that trap.

• Understand that difficult people can be part of God’s plan for your life.

• Focus on your mission and who you truly are. Don’t let circumstances change you.

• Don’t fight difficult people with emotions, but with the “Word of God” and prayer.

The ideal examples for us are Joseph and Jesus. They stayed calm, stayed focused, chose to forgive and forget, and rose higher with every persecution. They turned encounters with difficult people into opportunities to glorify their character and bring glory to God. Amen and Hallelujah!

May you be victorious over every mental attack. Amen!